The Truth About Sexually Transmitted Debt - Financial Empowerment While Dating

“The strong must protect the sweet." - Homer

Insights from a Certified Money Coach:

Dating over 40 can be an exciting new chapter in life. Whether you’re fresh out of a long-term relationship, re-entering the dating pool after a divorce or venturing into the world of romance after losing a spouse. It’s a thrilling mix of possibility, discovery and let’s face it - sometimes a little bit of apprehension. While you might be cautious about protecting your heart, there’s another element to guard closely in the dating game: your wallet. 

Enter the concept of “sexually transmitted debt.”

Is it something you’ve heard of before?

No?

Well don’t panic - it’s not an infection!

However do be wary, because the consequences can leave you financially unwell. If you’re not careful, joining your finances with a new partner could mean inheriting their existing debt or getting swept into their unhealthy money habits. For professional women over 40, this kind of financial entanglement can be particularly tricky, especially if you’ve worked hard to build your financial independence.

So, how do you avoid getting caught in a cycle of debt that’s not even your own?

And how can you keep your financial head above water while dating?

Let’s dive into the truth about sexually transmitted debt, explore its consequences and most importantly, share some savvy strategies to protect yourself.

What Exactly is Sexually Transmitted Debt?

“Sexually transmitted debt” refers to the debt that you may take on or become entangled in when entering a relationship with someone who has significant financial obligations or poor money management habits. This could come in many forms:

Partner arrives with a mountain of debt: This might be from student loans, credit card debt, or bad financial decisions from their past.

Partner has poor financial habits: Maybe they have a tendency to overspend, refuse to save, or simply don’t understand how to manage money responsibly.

Partner is financially reckless: This could be someone who regularly takes on unnecessary risks with money, believing things will “just work out.”

Shared financial responsibilities: Over time, you may start sharing finances, opening joint accounts, or getting loans together, meaning you become legally bound to your partner’s debt.

It’s important to note: this isn’t about blaming your partner or assuming everyone has ill intentions. Often, people are simply not taught how to manage money, or they may have fallen into bad habits that are hard to break. But recognising these potential pitfalls early on can save you from future financial headaches.

The Consequences of Sexually Transmitted Debt

Before we get into strategies, let’s talk about why sexually transmitted debt can be so damaging, especially for women over 40 who are navigating life’s new chapters.

Loss of Financial Independence: You’ve worked hard to get where you are. Whether it’s building a successful career, owning a home, or finally achieving financial stability, taking on someone else’s debt can quickly erode the independence you’ve earned.

Jeopardising Future Plans: Perhaps you’re saving for retirement, planning a dream vacation, or helping your children through college. Partnering with someone who has massive debt—or is likely to accumulate it—can seriously affect your ability to achieve these goals.

Strain on the Relationship: Money is one of the top reasons couples argue, and introducing debt into a relationship can create tension, especially if there are different views on managing finances.

Legal Implications: If you marry or enter a serious partnership with someone, you may become legally responsible for their debt—whether you realise it or not. This can lead to complications if you ever try to separate your finances down the line.

How to Protect Yourself From Sexually Transmitted Debt

But don’t worry—there are ways to protect your finances while still enjoying the dating scene! Here are some practical steps to ensure you’re building both a healthy relationship and a healthy financial future.

Talk About Money Early On

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but if things are moving toward something serious, it’s important to have “the money talk.” Yes, it might feel awkward at first, but knowing your partner’s financial situation early on can save you a lot of heartache down the road.

Questions to ask:

- Do you have any debt?

- What are your financial goals?

- How do you feel about budgeting or saving?

- What’s your approach to handling big expenses?

This isn’t about interrogating your partner, but rather understanding how they view money and whether their habits align with yours. 

Stay Financially Independent as Long as Possible

Even as your relationship grows, there’s no rush to combine finances right away. Keep separate bank accounts, credit cards, and loans until you feel completely comfortable with your partner’s financial habits. 

Some couples find it works to have a joint account for shared expenses (like rent, groceries, or vacations) but keep the rest of their finances separate. This allows you to maintain control over your own money while still contributing to shared goals.

If your desire to maintain a reasonable degree of separation in your financial affairs causes your partner to become angry, upset or negative - this could well be the red flag you needed to see in order to reassess your future together…

Trust, But Verify

If your partner tells you they’re financially stable, that’s great!

But it’s also okay to ask for a little proof, especially if you’re considering taking the next step and merging your finances.

Credit scores, bank statements, and debt reports may feel personal, but it’s better to know the truth than to be blindsided later.

Get a Prenuptial Agreement (Or a “Postnup”)

If you’re planning to marry, a prenuptial agreement can help protect your assets and shield you from your partner’s debts.

It’s not unromantic - it’s smart financial planning.

If you’re already married and concerned about your partner’s debt, you can still opt for a postnuptial agreement, which serves the same purpose after the fact.

Set Boundaries Around Debt

If your partner comes into the relationship with debt, be clear about what you’re willing and able to help with.

Don’t feel obligated to bail them out.

A healthy partnership involves shared responsibilities, but it’s important to set boundaries that protect your financial well-being.

Lead By Example

If your partner struggles with money management, use your own financial habits as a guide.

Lead by example - create a budget, save for the future, and manage debt responsibly.

If they’re open to it, help them establish better money habits without feeling judgmental.

Real-Life Scenarios and How to Handle Them

Scenario 1: You’ve just started dating someone who admits they have credit card debt, but you’re not sure how much.

How to Handle It: Ask for clarity in a kind and non-judgmental way. “How do you plan on paying that off?” is a great way to gauge if they have a financial strategy or if they’re hoping you’ll help.

Scenario 2: You’ve been dating someone for a while and are considering moving in together, but they have student loans and no emergency savings.

How to Handle It: Have an open conversation about shared expenses and how you’ll split bills without absorbing their debt. Suggest maintaining separate finances while they work on building an emergency fund.

Scenario 3: Your partner tends to overspend and it’s starting to affect your joint goals.

How to Handle It: Sit down together and set financial goals that both of you can commit to. Encourage open conversations about why they overspend and how you can support each other in sticking to a budget.

Scenario 4: You’re married and discover your partner has been hiding debt from you.

How to Handle It: Approach the situation calmly and ask for full transparency. It may also be time to seek professional help, either through financial counselling or a money coach (of course I will help both members of a couple) to navigate this difficult terrain together.

Practical Tips for Staying Financially Smart While Dating

1. Do a Financial Health Check on Yourself First:

Before diving into a relationship, take stock of your own financial situation.

Are you in a strong position?

Do you have savings and a plan for the future?

Knowing your own standing helps you stay grounded and prevents you from feeling pressured to take on a partner’s debt.  

2. Stay True to Your Financial Goals:

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean your personal financial goals should be put on the back burner.

If you’ve got a savings goal, retirement target, or a plan for financial independence, stick to it.

Your partner should complement your journey, not derail it.

3. Set Clear Expectations:

Whether it’s agreeing on how to handle dinner dates or discussing long-term financial goals, setting clear expectations early can prevent money issues from creeping into your relationship.

The Role of a Money Coach in Navigating Relationships and Debt

As a money coach for professional women, I help my clients rewrite their money stories, navigate financial challenges and empower them to make decisions with confidence. If you’re dating (or in a relationship) and worried about the impact of sexually transmitted debt, having a money coach can be a game-changer.

I’m here to help you identify and establish healthy financial boundaries, work through any money anxieties, and make informed decisions about how (and if) to join finances with a partner. Together, we’ll build a plan that works for you, so you can step into your financial future with confidence, whether you're on your own or with someone by your side.

Ready to Take Control?

If you’ve been struggling with the idea of merging finances with your partner, or simply want to feel more confident about managing money within a relationship, I can help you sort through the chaos and find a solution that’s right for you.

Trust yourself, take control, and move forward with confidence.

You deserve financial freedom - no strings (or debt) attached!

While you’re here, be sure to snag my free workbook, Map the Gap.

It’s designed to make money goal setting a breeze - so easy and effective that it’s perfect for building into your regular routine. Even if you’re just dipping a perfectly polished toe into the world of Money Coaching, you’ll find it simple to dive in and get started. Trust me, the results will be so fabulous you’ll be amazed!

There’s nothing to lose except your fear of failure, so go ahead and grab your copy here.